Before we go
by Feadel Guardian
Summary: A short story with small chapters in which, after the death of a baby sparrow, L feels guilty and Beyond tries to prove his love for him, it may be the first and last time together. That is until Watari breaks in! Yaoi, L/BB smut.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Before we vanish

Rating: Mature

Spoilers: a lot

Characters: L, Beyond Birthday, Watari and Roger if u look closer.

A.N. – I got bored XD so I wrote another fanfiction with L and B.

Chapter one – Backup

At the first floor of the orphanage, in the room at the bottom of the hall that was decorated with blue flowers texture, was the room of the deceased successor named Beyond Birthday.

The room seemed untouched, no child dared to even near it, not even Mihael Keehl, the bravest, or stupid of them all.

Inside, was a strange feeling, as if Beyond Birthday was still there, the curtains pulled , creating an intimate effect, the walls slightly enlightened with an marine-blue color. On the floor were empty strawberry jars, on the carper was sketched a "B" letter with chalk, and near it an "L" letter. The chandelier was hanging heavy on the rotten ceiling and even when a mouse was swarming in the loft, the whole structure seemed to be shaken.

The bed was nicely done, and on the nightstand was the only evidence of Beyond Birthday's existence. A picture of him, when he turned 18.

He represented the image of an immature young man, tall, with spiky hair, his clothes hanging on his body, standing in sort of a yoga position, with a threatening look, a smirk

smile, and his eyes… just a pair of rubies.

Still, the room was a sad place, full of an unpleasant events, although it was a room of a scared boy, who's friend died, A, who committed suicide.

But, that boy fled from the orphanage.

Beyond Birthday ran away.

Those things where in the past, many years ago… and now, some of them thought that would have been better to catch the time when Beyond Birthday and A were still alive.

The view from that room gave an sad, melancholic feeling to the children.

It was said that, before the flight of Beyond Birthday from the orphanage, Lawliet visited him for the first time and also last time.

'You look just like my mirror image' said Beyond full of astonishment. 'So you are my true predecessor, about you everyone was talking so much about. Hmm, hmm, hmm, he he!'

_Lawliet said nothing, he was just staring at Beyond._

Beyond also became silent when he saw the unchanged expression of his predecessor.

'Okay… what do you want me to tell you?'

Guessing why Lawliet came to him, it was time for his story version of A's death, and also some personal issues. B let out a sigh, stretching on the bed, making himself comfortable, hands under his head he started to talk with a weak voice.

'_A was one of my closest friends, but the thought of being a successor made him feel weird: "I'm the alpha!" he told me, "I should have successors, I'm the first one!" but I answered that if he's the first one to succeed you, it wasn't my duty to stop him by having his own way of solving things. He became stressed by the things he had to learn, then he was disturbed, withdrawing from the real world. I couldn't get close to him, although he was a damn of a genius, above all, even me. I tried to talk with him, but failed. After a week I found him in my room, hanged by the candelabrum. At his burial I saw you, and I felt I have to do something, but I can't! Why do you keep looking at me like that. No expression on your face! That's just pathetic.'_

_Beyond fell into silence, hoping that Lawliet could understand how everything matched together, and it was his fault._

'_What do you want from me?' asked Lawliet after a while._

_Hearing that question, Beyond jumped off the bed and spoke smiling:_

'_I am your backup! B comes from backup, that's what I am, your copy! If something happens to you, I will take your place, Lawliet! I will!'_

_Beyond burst into an unnatural laugh, moving away from Lawliet, arms crossed to his chest, leaning on the wall._

'_Don't be so sure about your fight for the name of "L". You are alone now, but I planned to bring new ones for the fight!'_

'_I know this is what are you going to do! Don't worry, I'll go away, and I won't disturb the peace of this orphanage' Beyond answered quickly, shaking his head as "no". 'I know you don't want me here!'_

'_I don't dislike you, B! You have all the abilities to follow my footsteps. There's no need to do away.'_

_Beyond laughed again, getting closer to Lawliet, face to face, much to closer, and his spoken words were … just too full of sensuality, spoken by his soul-mate:_

'_You don't want me to leave because of my abilities to be like you, or is something else? Is there something else in your mind now? Some good reasons?'_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two – Copy of the Original

After a long silence, in which the only sound was the sound of falling leaves in the rain, Lawliet spoke again.

'Do you remember when I spoke about fears? I said that 'maybe I'm scared of monsters', my question is, Beyond, what kind of 'monster' are you? Are you a 'monster' that give up the hope of everyone around you? A creature lusting for blood? A liar? A 'monster' that looks for friendship even when it doesn't know how to love?'

'We all are what we are, we all have bad thoughts and egoism in us, we all lie in this World. But I have something special that surpasses all expectations from being a 'monster', I just pretend that I am a shinigami…'

'_Shinigami?' spoke Lawliet petrified._

'_Yeah, a 'monster' above all others,… one that… hmm, steals the souls of innocents._

'_Is that what you want to become?' asked Lawliet, staring at Beyond Birthday's red eyes, those strong eyes, almost devilish._

'_No… and yes!' he answered. 'This isn't a coincidence that I got here, to face you, to see your real name. These eyes I have, have you ever seen someone like this before? See? Even as I speak to you, the numbers of your life-span decrease, and when it reached zero, everything dies. What can I do when everything, everything reminds me that everything and everyone dies?'_

_Lawliet began to understand, at last, the meanings of Beyond's words, his backup, he felt frustrated of what everything's was happening around him. Who knows, maybe he was right, he could be a God of Death._

_Lawliet pulled a candy from his pocked, unwrapped it and as he wanted to place it in his mouth, Beyond quickly made a move towards it, having them both their mouth on that candy, more like in a kiss. A forbidden kiss._

_Beyond couldn't hold it, and laughed again:_

'Kyahahahaha! If you could see your face! You are all red! A-hem! Sorry about that!'

Lawliet indeed blushed, it was the only emotion he couldn't control, he continued to stare at Beyond, holding the candy with two fingers from the stick, rolling it in his mouth.

'Even so I've done it intentionally, I see you don't feel surprised. What is it, Lawliet?' said Beyond sarcastically. 'Did someone managed to break your chastity belt?'

_Lawliet seemed to growl at that question, but Beyond could hear only the lap coming for him, chewing the candy._

'_What are you suggesting?'_

'_Hmm… nothing!' answered B._

'_You are so childish.'_

'_Just like you! I'm not childish, only immature, but nothing more!'_

'_Please don't think that you can take my place so easily. You still can't replace me, backup!' it was the first time in his live that Lawliet felt something repulsing, irritated by those words, making him being impulsive._

'_Alright, alright! That's enough fight, Lawliet' said Beyond starting to walk here and there, pulling a thread of hair from Lawliet's hair._

'_If you want something from me, come and let's talk down' said Lawliet as he turned around a walked away from Beyond's room._

_Beyond Birthday stood there, without any expression on his face, only later he began to laugh wildly, without any reason, took out a jar from under the bed, dirtying his face and shirt with the strawberry jam, and he licked his fingers._

'_Yes, Lawliet! I want something from you! I want you! I want your body and soul! I want to break you!'_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three – Basudei no Kako

_Beyond drew an "L" and a "B" on the wall and floor, laughing like a mad man._

'If L a genius, then B an extreme genius, if L's a freak, then B's an extreme freak! Kyahahahaha! I'm the only one good enough for you, and you for me!'

Lawliet left the orphanage that night, and with him, Beyond Birthday fled away, but took a different path.

Some years later, in 2002, Beyond made his entry again, in Los Angeles, though the story of what he did there is written somewhere else, but the most important thing is that although L hunted to stop him, he's never shown his face to anyone, and let Naomi Misora to work in his stead.

'The killer is…' Lawliet said, '…B.'

Lawliet knew from the beginning that Beyond was the culprit of the 'Wara Ningyo murders from L.A.', he knew… because no one could ever have the guts to challenge the Great L, except B. He wanted to show to this World, that there is a crime without a conclusion, without catching the killer, although B left clues, no one was able to catch him.

But, after Beyond's circumstances, to be the last victim of his plan, to surpass L, to kill himself to create the perfect crime… could be L the guilty one? Was L going to miss him?

Maybe not.

A monster without feelings towards a poor young shinigami, who begged for his attention.

He didn't die, he was saved by Naomi, also called by Naomi Massacre.

'_He cares for me' _Beyond told himself when he woke up in the hospital, with severe burns. _'L cares for me, he wouldn't let me die, but this means I lost to him!'_

B lost to L, and not even the thought of _'L cares for me'_ didn't comfort him. Probably nothing was consoling him, he thought he was still alive to feel humiliated for his sins.

The challenge did nothing but to drive Beyond away with his tail between his legs and Lawliet was sure B was now longing for death.

The truth is, Beyond, as a person, was nothing but a tool to his plan.

That's shame.

More shame was in the date of 21st January 2004.

Watari pulled a fax paper with a number of victims killed by Kira from that day, and gave it to Lawliet.

Holding the sheet of paper with two fingers, his eyes instantly dropped to the "B" letter.

Yes, it was there: _'545 – Beyond Birthday, L.A. prison – cause of death= heart attack'_

In that moment, Lawliet felt something in his stomach, all the sweet he'd been eaten tasted bitter, that made him spilling back on the table everything he had in his mouth.

'Ugh!' was all the sound he made.

He writhened in that position of a abandoned child. His eyes stung, he rubbed with the edge of the sleeve and noticed it was wet: he was crying.

'They will hurt more if you rub like that' said Watari and he wiped Lawliet's tears away with a tissue.

'Beyond Birthday died… Watari… I loved him' he murmured. 'Kira,… it was Kira!'

Watari was nothing, it was useless anyway.

Lawliet leaned down, holding his head on the knees, wrapping his arms around his body, rocking back and forth, moaning in pain.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four – The baby bird

But … in that night, before B and L to vanish from the orphanage, something else happened.

_Beyond breathed deeply, it didn't took long and Lawliet returned in B's room, holding a towel in his hands, he was all wet, it was obvious he went outside, so why didn't he use it to dry himself?_

'_What happened?' asked B. I didn't expect you to return._

_Lawliet looked worried, and glared down at the thing he was holding his towel_

'_I can't spare him! You do it!' Lawliet said sadly._

_Beyond took the towel from L's hands and took a quick look: it was a baby sparrow, he or she was trembling, eyes closed._

'_I found it in the water! Beyond, I feel sorry for that bird. Do something… I can't bear to see that being suffering.'_

_Lawliet stood on the floor, knees close against his chest, leaned on the wall beneath the window._

'_L, you know this won't be the first time dealing with such cases.'_

'_I know.'_

_Beyond wrapped the small sparrow chick in the towel and left the room._

_In all that time, Lawliet stood there, frustrated because he brought justice in this world but unable to save a bird's life._

_A half an hour passed and Beyond returned. Lawliet was still there, sitting under the window._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five – Successor

_Beyond sat in front of Lawliet, in the same crouched position._

'_I didn't killed the bird… I couldn't bring myself to do it. See? The proof that I have a heart towards a helpless bird. But… I wouldn't hesitate to kill to prove that I can surpass you, you know that better than anyone._

_Lawliet gazed into his ruby eyes, and spoke:_

'_It's getting on my nerves, no matter how long I work, like a computer, I am still… a human. I'm still young and I feel pity, even if I don't want to experience it._

'_L…,' B began to say. 'Your work mustn't transform you into a robot. I know you can't take breaks because criminals don't have breaks as well. The fact that you are still young and very much a human can only make me having naughty thoughts…_

'_If I should die… you will take over as me?' asked L._

'_No. I won't take your place, I will steal your personality, you know I don't have and don't want to have it, I will also steal your looks and all what "L" means to me.'_

'_You could kill me to take over me?'_

'_No! I let things run their course, and why to kill you? I do admit, your life-span- and gazed at the numbers above Lawliet's head- shows me that you have only a few years to live, but I assume that I won't be the one to end your life. You are important for me, and_

_I wouldn't take your place as long you're alive. I won't allow anything to happen to the original "L", and if "L" will forget me, I will do anything to catch his attention…_

_Beyond looked at him with a gentle gaze, his eyes weren't so wild, like before._

_Beyond leaned ahead and kissed Lawliet, the first time in his life when he kissed someone. Beyond didn't know he could have the courage to deep kiss, didn't know if it was the moment to move his mouth: of course, at least he saw romantic or love movies, but it was so different to do it in reality._

_As for Lawliet, a little surprised, he forgot to breathe, he pushed at Beyond's chest to break from that shy kiss._

'_Beyond… what's gotten into you' asked Lawliet hiding his emotions._

'_L. Lawliet… have you listened my words I spoke earlier?'_

'_Yes.'_

'_Good' he said in relief. 'Then you could understand one thing: that I love you.'_

_When Lawliet said nothing, Beyond placed a hand on his knee, trying to go down to his crotch. _

_In that moment, Lawliet realized Beyond's intention, shaking by the overwhelming of emotions he slapped Beyond's hand away._

'_Hah…' he made an involuntary sound. 'Beyond?'_

'_What does this means to you? To go on?_

'_Beyond, don't you think that's a little bit too impersonal to ask such a thing?'_

'_Maybe… if I would try to continue, would you allow me?' asked Beyond looking down._

'_You would try to dominate me? If I refuse, you will use force on me?' Lawliet said, a little scared and doubtful. _

'_No. If you don't want, if you don't love me, I will resign. Also, I would very much love if you accept me. At least now. If you go, I won't see you again._

_Beyond spoke no more. He placed a hand on L's knee again, going down, and as he reached his crotch he squeezed a bit, making Lawliet swallow hard and tense._

'B… I will let you. But if someone finds out about this, we're both dead. Ngh!'

'_No one comes here anyway, this shouldn't bother you.'_

'Have you done this before?' asked Beyond, as he pressed his hand between Lawliet's legs and rubbed him thought the clothes.

'_How could I? I lived all my life in shadows! Hiding from the World. You are the only one who ever does this to me… ah!'_

_B could feel Lawliet getting hard under his caressing hand._

'_Have you ever done it yourself? I just imagine it, since you are always busy, do you have time for doing this yourself? I mean, it's a need…'_

'_Occasionally,…ah! Beyond… you should stop, I'm close to…'_

'_Oh!' said Beyond and he withdrew his hand, 'well then, maybe I can get you done!' he unzipped Lawliet's jeans, but he didn't pulled them off, he just stared at his heated flesh._

'_What are you going to do now?' Lawliet asked._

'_Wait and see… and relax, enjoy it while you can…' and dropped his head between L's legs and took him in his mouth. _

_The wrong move ever made._

_Beyond slipped his hand in his boxers, fingers probing gently._

'_Mmm.. ngh…' he moaned as he felt a finger slipping inside._

'_Relax, Lawliet,' and Beyond adding a second finger, thrusting deeper inside. 'You need to relax, you're far to tense,' and reached up and kissed his sugar addicted lover. _

'_I try… but promise me you won't hurt me!' he said shaking_

'_I promise…'_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six - Sin

_Pleasure was building itself as Beyond thrust harder into Lawliet._

_But B had a thought in that moment, he never done it before, but why his opinion about making love was so different than he thought it will be? His thoughts ran to the love scene he's seen in the movie 'Titanic': two people, sweating like crazy, hands slipping on a car window… oh! Wait! There were a seventeen year old girl and a tramp, but Beyond realized he was doing it to a guy, a little older than him._

'_This isn't love,…' said Lawliet, trying to dig his nails in the floor at the pain he felt as B slammed harder and harder, announcing his climax., '…it's obsession!' _

_Lawliet's hands almost gave in, supporting his body on elbows, while his back-side was held up by Beyond hands, and their coupled bodies._

'_L! B!' they suddenly heard._

_Lawliet lifted his head, as well Beyond: in front if them stood Watari. Both of them could read anger and embarrassment on Watari's face._

'_Oh! Crap!' Beyond murmured. His face went red, and realized he was still inside Lawliet._

'_Young master L! Your are coming with me! We're out of here!'_

_Lawliet stood paralyzed, all his mood for Beyond's so told obsession now gone._

'_I said: Come. With. Me. L!' yelled Watari in total anger._

_Then, he approached them, grabbed Lawliet's hand tightly and dragged him on his feet._

'_Wait! Watari! Hold on! Aaaaahh! Hurts!!' he screamed as he and Beyond uncoupled with a violent move. Beyond followed L's screams, falling on the ground, clenching his middle side as if he was in pain, and curled into a ball. _

_Fortunately, for both of them, they didn't tore their clothes off, and as Watari dragged Lawliet out of the orphanage he could manage with one hand to pull his jeans on._

_The rain was pouring hard enough, Beyond sneaked to the window and watched as his lover was taken away._

'_Watari! Please… let me…explain!' Lawliet said desperate._

_Watari threw him in the car, on the back bench. 'Ouch!' He was the driver now, and yelled to L._

'_I've never expected this from you! I'm very disappointed! I'll make sure you won't see Backup again!'_

'_Why? Now you hate him?'_

'_I won't allow you to fall for a copy.'_

'_I love him! You old man! How can you understand?'_

'_No! I don't! Are you really in love with him? Or you just love the sensation of being in love?'_

_This question was something L did not expect to be asked. A long silence followed._

'_It doesn't matter L! I thought I could protect you from this. I thought that if I would keep you safe, you would concentrate on your detective work! But I failed!'_

'_For God's sake! I'm human! I discovered that I am human!' Lawliet tried to save his and B's reputation._

'_By having sex with another guy?'_

'…'

_It was like truth hit him like a rock in the head… or not?_

'_You think he used me?'_

'_Yes, that what I think! What's what I believe! It doesn't surprises me the way he acts all the time! He just wants someone to stick himself into.'_

'_No!' Lawliet protested. 'He's not like that! Believe it or not, but it was his first time as well as mine's.'_

'_How sure you are?' _

'_Why you are so mean?'_

'_I need to know!'_

'_Yes, I'm very sure! I didn't 'inspect' him, if that's what you want to know… but he was just like me: hesitant. That's why, I know! But now, answer my question: do you hate Beyond Birthday because he owned me?'_

'_I hate him because he used you! I'm not even sure if you even did it correctly! I should take you to a hospital for a check!'_

'_What?'_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven – Fate

'Wait! What are you doing?' said Roger as he followed the backup of L.

'_I'm out of here! There's no meaning for me if L is not with me!' said Beyond as he returned to his room, packing his goods. 'Roger, I'm 18, I should have leaved his orphanage long ago! But now with L gone…' he sobbed. 'Get out!' he snapped. 'Get out and don't dare stop me! I didn't stayed here just to get humiliated, I have to find L!'_

_When he was ready, he took a winter coat, just in case, and fled, leaving the entrance door wide open._

'_So… another have has vanished!'_

That happened in 1999, Beyond Birthday was 18 and L Lawliet was 20… what a shame!

Lawliet continued to give nasty looks to his caretaker, but never mentioned anything about Beyond. He continued his work as a private detective, well, perhaps a little too private. He and his caretaker lived in a special headquarter in London, and B did not know he was there… despite his genius.

As for Beyond Birthday, he turned to be a tramp on the streets of London, a burglar more precisely… he stole moneys from the orphanage so he wasn't forced to steal or beg.

His love for Lawliet grew into a powerful obsession, he dressed like him all the time, and things got worst, his urge to have Lawliet to his side drove him to madness, and in 2001 fled in Los Angeles for the perfect revenge.

_Beyond lay in bed with eyes wide open in a prefabricated store-house. It was August 18__th__ 2002._

'_L… you send Naomi Misora to solve this case. Why haven't you shown you face to me? I miss you! Are you afraid I'll hurt you?'_

'_Hurt' he thought, he remembered that last night at Wammy's House, before Watari broke in and ended their reunion._

_He sensed that Lawliet let his guard down, he never even imagine he would look so vulnerable under his touch. It wasn't at all the perfect 'first time', and he lusted to have Lawliet under him and scream for him as both of them melted in pleasure. Unfortunately for him, no person could replace Lawliet, so he had to bear his urges without using someone, he hate it. It was an unwritten rule: never to fuck a stranger, and make love with the 'chosen one'… that's what Beyond endlessly repeated it to himself when he found it hard to resist._

_That was Beyond's dream… just a dream._

'_Oh, Lawliet! How I wish to be with you! Damnit! I really must do this to have your attention!'_

Sadly, for Beyond, he died some years later, on 21st January 2004, after endless nights of howling and mourning his desire.

His heart stopped beating for his longed love, forever. The love he never saw time during his prison life.

Beyond was found a few minutes after his death: eyes wide open as well as his mouth, a hand clutching his chest as his heart was forced to stop. Yet, from his face, everyone could read that he cried until his last moment: his tears were still fresh.

'I'm glad I will die, it will release me from pain,' these were Beyond Birthday's last words.


End file.
